Welcome to Site342, the home of Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC.
You're probably not sure how you got here, and now that you are here, you're probably not sure why you are here. Rest assured, we're not really sure why we are here either. We are a global media entertainment company. That is all we can tell you at the moment. We're just making this up as we go along...
Meet the Team
A bunch of losers born to underachieve and disappoint their parents, the staff at Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, are a rag-tag collection of individuals from all walks of life. Somehow, they found themselves here - on this website - creating junk content that nobody gives a shit about. But the funny thing is, none of them care. They each have their own little webpage and do what they want with it - often times just to make only themselves laugh and giggle like dumb little idiots. Learn more about the team below!
Founder & CEO
Johnny M. Rose
Johnny Michael Rose is the Founder and CEO of Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC. Born in Upstate New York, Mr. Rose is a lifelong grumpy asshole. After countless business ventures that ended in failure, Mr. Rose set out to chart his own path. In 1984 Mr. Rose finally became forever pissed off at the world. He decided to established Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC. as a place where other losers like himself, could come together and do whatever the fuck they wanted. There was no internet back then, so Mr. Rose just wrote bullshit on paper and mailed it to any outlet that would publish it. Mr. Rose has no formal education, but he has taken a few LinkedIn learning classes on "emotional intelligence." He also takes great pleasure in telling ambitious young people that their dreams "are shit and to go dig a ditch."
Chief People Officer
Prichard S. Wilmette
Prichard Sherwood Wilmette is the Chief People Officer of Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC. An expert in not-giving-a-fuck, Mr. Wilmette takes all written employee grievances and complaints and literally flushes them down the toilet. This was proven to be true when we received a complaint - and subsequent fine - from the local municipality concerning a massive sewage back-up experienced by residents up-stream from our facility. And while dysentery ran rampand in the community for a few weeks, Mr. Wilmette was unmoved. A new rule was instituted where employee grievances and complaints must now be communicated verbally to the Human Resources department, and all Human Resources personnel are required to respond to those employee grievances and complaints with a lively "fuck you, then quit." Overall, Mr. Wilmette does a great job! Oh, and one more thing: Mr. Wilmette manages our This Word is Better page because he can be quite arrogant when it comes to grammar.
Webmaster
Cherrita M. Powe
Cherrita M. Powe is our webmaster. If you think all of our pages, content, etc., look like crap, its Cherrita's fault. She has absolutely no real skill in anything other than taking up space and collecting a paycheck. We tried to terminate her, but she hacked all of our personal emails and has dirt on everyone of us. She makes all of us call her "Powe the Powerful" and we're required to bring her daily offerings of Diet Coke and immitation crab meat.
Annoying
Your Mom
Your mom shows up from time-to-time to "create" content. She's nice but turns into a real bitch if we fuck with the thermostat in the office.
CFO & COO
Melony A. Johns
Melony Archie Johns is the CFO and CCO of Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC. Born and raised in Teaneck, New Jersey, Ms. Johns was destined for mediocracy. A bold and fearless risk taker by nature, Ms. Jones took a substantial loan out from her 401k, went to a local casino and "put it all on black." Having lost everything, and significantly in debt, Ms. Jones watched a few YouTube videos on how to use Microsoft Excel. With her newfound expertise, she joined Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC in 1995. Our books have been fucked-up ever since.
Editor-In-Chief
Beilthfsnuse Ciltsihek
Beilthfsnuse (we call him Billie here in the office) is the editor of our blog This is Fucking Bullshit. Billie immigrated from Germany in 1984 and completed his masters degree in consumer marketing and advertising at some Ivy League institution. When he's not complaining about things in our blog, he's usually complaining about things here in the office, or complaining about things at home to his wife. The best part is that when Billie really gets going about something that is fucking bullshit, he switches between English and German without realizing it and its a friggin' hoot! He's a good dude tho. We like him alot.
Head Curator
Wahlstrom D. Powder
Wahlstrom Dieterich Powder is the head curator of The Goo-Bug Gallery. Mr. Powder is an expert art appraiser and has never once not sold a painting to someone interested in buying paintings. When not looking for the next big thing for The Goo-Bug Gallery, Mr. Powder is the heart and soul of Hatchet Primrose Worldwide, LLC. Even the moodiest people on the team can't help but smile when Mr. Powder comes waddling down the office hallway with his ever-present grin plastered on his face.
Our Devil's Advocate
Axe Daffodil
Axe doesn't fuck around. From the mean streets of Kingston, New York, Axe is the only one that Mr. Rose - our Founder & CEO - will take shit from. Axe wonders the office, asks us what we're working on, and then proceeds to tell us why it is garbage. The crazy thing is that sometimes he is right and we take a breath, and start over. Axe also fills in from time-to-time as a contributor to the This Is Fucking Bullshit blog; Axe brings some levity to things that really are bullshit instead of Billie's constant trivial bullshit - look for his blog posts from time-to-time. Also, Axe is a champion cage fighter, Rhodes Scholar, certified in massage therapy, fluent in 7 different languages, and can juggle.